I’m done rambling
So since she still thinking abiut her ex I can’t really bring myself to come to try to be hers because I’m not tryna go through that situation that she put that other girl through. I know then that I would probably most definitely be done with her for good. Also feel like this time around she might be actually feeling just because of the way she acts around me now. That’s why I’m even considering telling her my feelings for her caus ei feel like there’s a possibility that she might feel something too. Then again we’re both going farrrr away from each other and I don’t think I could do a long distance thing. Imma just be content with being friends for now but years from now when we see each other or whatever if we’re both single, I’m definitely going to go for it. I mean I realllly care about her now and shit but I feel like all that would happen now is some fucking and I want more than that.
Idk, but she was one of those frienss that I fell for unfortunately. It’s unfortunate because I know she probably see me nothing more than being just friends. While I’m over here thinking about being her world and she being mine and shit. I know she’s still stuck on her ex and she’s in love with her and which is one of the main reasons why I haven’t brought myself to tell her again that I liked her. Also when I tols her last time I was feeling her and asked if she was feeling me back the response was that it’s not that she wasn’t feeling me or whatever but she still invested in her ex, later I saw that she was feeling someone else and so I fell back. I stopped talking to her for a minute because I really felt like there was no reason to lie about that shit. And even then she left that girl and went back to her ex anyways.
I know I get in my feelings every night faithfully but like shit I got feelings and imma get in them bitches. I can’t help it. All I want is someone to care and like and fall for me and all that good shit like I do them. Like when I fall for someone I fall hard af. I hate it. I can’t see you doing no wrong, you’re like the fucking perfectess thing there is. I know that’s nor a word but whatever. Usually I don’t even see my friends in the sense of liking them cause that shit Is just weird af to me. Like I dontw usually like people that I’m hella cool with.
I wish I could actually talk to someone about this kind of stufd but when it comes down to it, I kinda choke up because I don’t really like people I know getting too close to me. Which is a problem I know, but just based on past experience I can’t. Everytime I let people in they always leave.
I appreciate everybody in my life who have influenced me and made me the person I am today. I especially appreciate my mom for pushing to be so much better than she is. I mean I look up to her because of how strong she is but I know I can be like her and so much more. That’s the same for my brother too. Like without them showing me the possibilities of life idk what I would have.
Like I can’t be working a job where I’m living pay check to pay check. I want ro live comfortably without having to worry about how I’m going to pay the next bill. When I get out the air force I plan to either be a physical therapist for like a nba basketball or nfl football team or either be a world wide known graphic designer that everybody comes to for designs and everybody knows my designs. I would reallly like either of those to happen and I’m going to make sure that they do. I’m going to put in the time, effort and hard work that it takes to make those things happen.
All my friends already have their shit together and I’m currently not doing shit. I don’t want to be that person who at the high school reunion still hasnt done shit with there life. Especially becuase I have sooo much shit I want to get done in my life. I see myself being soo much bigger and better and I’m going to make that happy one way or another.
I get to be in a new environment, new people, new experiences, new everything. And I think thats exactly what I need, also no money will be wastes will doing so.
I think the military is a good thing for me to do even though I would like to go to school, I feel like I can actually achieve so much more by going this route.
It’s 6:03 am. 7.22.14 later when I wake up and from this day on forth I’m done procrastinating about things. Procrastinating gets you no where honestly. I have too many places that I need to get to in my life just to put it off.
I always want to write/ talk about my feelings but my mind just be all over the place so it probably wouldn’t make sense anyways.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport